You and your spouse are spending a lovely evening together when suddenly out of nowhere the wonderful mood and feeling state quickly diminishes to a cold, silence that could freeze hell. The person experiencing the mood change feels extremely justified in why this is happening while the one on the receiving end is left scratching their head saying, “What just happened here?!”

Does this sound familiar?

This scenario is a classic complex that any of us can experience at any time. Complexes have a mind of their own and grip us by the throat without warning. All of us have them, but most of us are very unaware or unconscious of where they come from. Most of us probably know at some level that the so called complex can cause conflict or even raise havoc in their relationship, but unfortunately do not know how to deal with it. This can be especially frustrating for those that want predictability in their relationship.

In a series of blogs, I am going to help you to understand where your (yes, they belong to you and are a part of your personality) complexes come from and what you can do to understand and help manage them.

The main ingredients of a complex are:

• Complexes are normal and everyone has them.
• Complexes are unconscious meaning you are not aware of them.
• They come on suddenly, change your mood, and seem to come out of nowhere.
• Complexes are fragments of psychic wounding from the past that become reactivated through relationships.
• Once you understand consciously where the complex comes from, it decreases its power over you. 😊

Your psychotherapist or analyst can help you to become aware of your complexes (you generally will not be able to figure this out on your own.) through their education, experience, training, objectivity and understanding. If you think your relationship is suffering because of any of the material discussed in my blog it would be wise to make an appointment with a psychotherapist or analyst to help you gain some clarity on why this is happening so you can improve yourself and your relationships.